Fuente Alemana

Santiaguinos take great pride in their sandwiches. They’ve awarded national treasure status to a few sandwiches and a hot dog.

And they revere the sandwich shops, like Fuente Alemana, as much as they do the sandwiches.

I wrote some derogatory things about both the sandwiches and all of these “fuentes de soda” in my review of Elkika Ilmenau. I won’t rehash old trash here.

Let’s just say that I don’t like these sandwiches. They put quantity above quality. And the lack of creativity is mind-boggling.

The décor at Fuente Alemana? There’s none. Unless, of course, your definition of décor includes framed health department warnings.

Most of the waitresses have the personality of a marine sergeant. After scribbling the orders on small pads of white paper, they bark out sandwich orders to little old ladies wearing hair-nets that are chaotically building sandwiches behind the bar.

This system for taking orders was invented in prehistoric times. The cash register goes “ding” when it opens.

You get the picture, right?

Oh. Did I mention you’ll likely have to wait for a chance to sit in this madhouse? When you finally sit down, you’ll be rubbing elbows with the guy next to you that ordered his hot dog with triple-green-goo.

I apologized at length for not mincing words in that review for “Kika” which is easily as offensive as this review. But the bottom line is that I don’t like this restaurant, I don’t much like those other restaurants, and I don’t like these sandwiches.

But if you don’t want to buck tradition, if you like all that goo dribbling down the side of your sandwich, and if you take great pride in eating a sandwich with a knife and fork under blinding light, well, Fuente Alemana’s got your ticket.